Hi all,
I'm a newbie here and have been reading through the threads and the mounds of fabulous info and feedback. I'm so impressed and feel very lucky to have found this for help.

I'm putting together this site - Pop Goes The Beatles. I feel so overwhelmed trying to get this correct. Don't quite know where to start. I added google analytics to help track traffic/clicks, etc. as well as Google AdWords.

People are going to the site, but no sales. All the visits in the world aren't going to do what I want - create sales - if the site isn't done right. This I know and am ready to do what's needed... just need your help.

I would like to do an opt-in but can't really think of what I could offer on a monthly basis. Is this something that's critical for success?
I'm trying to add the sales copy to give this product value, just keep deadending in creativity, so....

Any help is greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance,
Ilene


**Moderator Note**

This Featured Thread shows you the exact salescopy and formatting advice the IMC experts gave Ilene to revamp her site so that it started generating sales for her.

Here's what her site looked like when she first joined the forum:
www.popgoesthebeatles.com/index_old.htm

Just a few days after joining the Club -- and implementing some of our expert suggestions -- Ilene's site looked like this:
http://web.archive.org/web/20070501091304/http://popgothebeatles.com/

And this is what her site looks like today:
www.popgoesthebeatles.com

As you follow Ilene's journey, we hope you get lots of valuable information that will help you ramp up your own site, as well!

Hi Ilene --

A big welcome to you... :-)

So I just took a few minutes to review your website, and I think I can help you... But first, I need to ask you some questions.

Quite frankly, I was confused when I arrived at your website. At first, reading the copy, it sounded like you sell/offer all sorts of different Beatles memorabilia. But towards the end, it sounded like you're selling a box-set collection of some sort?

So the first question I've got is... What ARE you selling here? Can you explain it in a couple of paragraphs and give me the price?

Is this your product? Or are you a re-seller/distributor of some sort?

Do you have any competition selling the same/very similar products?

Why/how are you qualified to be selling Beatles memorabilia?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Jennifer

Hi Jen,
Thanks so much for getting back to me...ok answers.

So the first question I've got is... What ARE you selling here? Can you explain it in a couple of paragraphs and give me the price?

A friend of mine did a local radio show all about early Beatles. He has mounds of unpublished tracks, interviews etc, that he made into a weekly show. Currently there are 21 shows on disc (each is almost 2 hours long)
We sell the complete 21 show package for a discounted price of $145. They can buy the shows individually if they like but will pay more for them.

Is this your product? Or are you a re-seller/distributor of some sort?

It is my friend...we have partnered, he has the product and packages and distributes, and it looks like I have the tough part here.

Do you have any competition selling the same/very similar products?

We have NO competition, as these were his radio shows, completed produced by him.

Why/how are you qualified to be selling Beatles memorabilia?

Not sure that I am "qualified", no different than any other collector, I guess.

Hi Jennifer,

The interviews are mostly with the people that worked first-hand with the Beatles. My partner is an avid fan, always has been and it's his passion to this that started these radio shows. Too bad the show got cancelled, but we are working to get the show back up on XM or Sirrius radio. In the meantime...

I love your idea of the full set...much less confusion and I would think an easier sell - more value. Right now we sell the full set for $145 with a 2-disc bonus and free shipping, but I think they are worth more. Will test different amounts.

I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my Insider Secrets course, and I know that will help tremendously. Are you suggesting the "60-second salesletters" software as well?

I also have other clients' sites that have items for sale. I want the course to help me with their sites as well. No use making a nice looking site if it never gets seen or the product doesn't sell. Hence the reason I got the course. Not only for me, but for my client's benefit as well. http://www.buckleyourbelt.comThis is another project I'm working on as well.

You've been so kind with your suggestions thus far, and I will be making changes and posting progess as I go.

Appreciatively,
Ilene

Hi Ilene --

I'm going to jump in here...

Re: My partner is an avid fan, always has been and it's his passion to this that started these radio shows

That is credibility right there!

I too think this could have a much higher price point.

Yes, 60 Second Salesletter can very helpful, particularly if you have a number of different sites and offers.

Re: As far as Google Adwords, I'm new to it as well. My ad copy is:

Beatles Memorabilia
Rare Collectibles of The Fab Four
FREE Shipping on All Orders
www.popgoesthebeatles.com


Andrew: Ok, looking at your ad I think you are right - people who are interested in the memorabilia are more likely than average to be interested in the music.

But there are also lots of people who are collectors and speculators.

I think that you ad copy might lead to dissonance on the part of the person clicking.

Search Google and eBay.com for 'Beatles memorabilia' and you will see what I mean.

Memorabilia makes me think of collectables and souvenirs, or, at the high end, valuable historical objects.

Looking at what you have in your copy:

A collection of unproduced/uncut tracks, interviews and narratives

This is much closer to the mark.

Remember, if your ad does not produce click-throughs or if people return immediately, your costs will go up (and most likely, your conversions will go down).

Your keyphrases also need a bit of work. They are far too general to know what the underlying search is.

Try to think about how this would be listed on eBay, Amazon.com, or a dvd website: How would it be listed in a radio or TV guide?

What problems does the product solve and who would it appeal to?:

Perfect Beatles fan gift
Rare recordings
versions of the Beatles songs
uncut and unpublished
never before heard
new interviews
learn something new about the Beatles
rare outtakes
No collection is complete without it!

So, there is some work that can be done here to capture searches that you are missing, lower you costs (in all likelyhood) and prequalify your prospects. Exciting!

Cheers,

Andrew

Andrew,

Awesome suggestions with the ad copy. I think you pinpointed where I was far too general. It now makes sense that the quality of the clickthrough is much more cost effect and possibly could lead to a sale rather than the general, just "getting 'em there". I'm going to change the first line to "Beatles Music" or Beatles History, Beatles Songs, etc. as that's really more what it's about rather than memorabilia.

Also the keywords, it's making so much more sense that changing those to be more specific to the product could lead to more quality rather than quantity.

I'm guessing at this point it makes no difference to completely change the campaign as it's so new and still so much work is needed on the site. Would much rather pay for the clickthrough that would lead to a sale with a quality site.

So much fog lifted, so much more to clear through.

I'm going to look into the 60 second sales letter software as I have the other sites to work on as well, but I think the Beatles site could be a biggie! No competition, as these are all original shows.

Looking forward to its "growth"

Thanks,
Ilene

Hi Ilene

Re: Also the keywords, it's making so much more sense that changing those to be more specific to the product could lead to more quality rather than quantity.

Don't forget lower cost/higher position!

Re: I'm guessing at this point it makes no difference to completely change the campaign as it's so new and still so much work is needed on the site. Would much rather pay for the clickthrough that would lead to a sale with a quality site.

Why don't you pause the campaign. You can work on your salescopy, review your keyphrases and write a few new ads. When the salespage is ready all you have to do flip the switch.

Re: I'm going to look into the 60 Second sales letter software as I have the other sites to work on as well, but I think the Beatles site could be a biggie! No competition, as these are all original shows.

While you are getting going with 60 Second Salesletter, start wrapping your brain around this:

- A "feature" is what a product is or has -- something that literally describes it
- A "benefit" is what the product does -- and how the consumer comes out ahead as a result of it? ("What's in it for me"?)

Compile a list of features - everything you can think of.

For each feature think of multiple benefits and write them down next to the feature (some people use a spreadsheet).

Different people will perceive different benefits from the same feature.

What the heck do I mean?!?

Let's us an example from a previous post:

Let's say the feature is the rare outtakes.

A collector may see: My collection is not complete without it!

A friend may see: Perfect gift for my Beatles fan

Working on this list beforehand will help you with the salesletter software and all of your other salescopy.

MOST PEOPLE BUY BENEFITS, NOT FEATURES.

Marketing is about being able to see and communicate in terms of benefits - it is a habit of mind that needs to be practiced.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Andrew

Hi Andrew,

Thanks for the feedback...
I took your suggestion, and paused the campaign until I'm ready.

I also went ahead with the 60-second salescopy and implemented your suggestions with that as well. I can't believe the transformation so far. Still needs work, I know, but I feel like I'm on the right track for the first time!!! (Thanks to you getting me on that track.)

I disabled the "order" page for now until this is done the way I want...then I'll enable it again.

Can't wait for the "package" to get here to get deeper into this.

Thanks,
Ilene
http://www.popgoesthebeatles.com

Hi Ilene,

That's awesome... I'm glad to hear that 60-Second Salesletters is working for you.

Remember to pop back with your re-draft of the letter, and we'll help you tweak it some more!

Cheers,

Jennifer

Hi Andrew and Jen,

I can't believe the difference in the letter (home page) as opposed to the previous one! What an amazing transformation.

I look forward to your feedback.

Is there any special format for the ordering page? ie: should I have more sales copy on that page as well, or just keep it simple with buyer's info...all links go to paypal then redirects to a thank you page.

I'm thinking that's way too super-simplified.

Thanks,
Ilene
http://www.popgoesthebeatles.com



**Moderator Note: This is what Ilene's site looked like at this point in the process:
http://web.archive.org/web/20070501091304/...thebeatles.com/

Hi:

I am a bit confused, when I click your order button, I just go back to your landing page? Check this out and get back to us.

Here are a few formatting suggestions:

Short paragraphs! No more than 4 lines (ish).

Use bolding/color sparingly, but use it - highlight your most important features. Look at how we use highlighting in this salespage: http://www.marketingtips.com/mailloop/

If someone read just your formatted text, would they still get the most important points of your offer?

You have made a tremendous change.

Keep up the good work.

Cheers,

Andrew

Hi Andrew,

Guess I shouldn't have posted so quickly. I went through and implemented the changes you suggested. It sure does make an impact. Others have said the same thing... the formatting is so important. You don't realize that you really do "skim" through plain text but can't help but read what is highlighted, bold or a different color.

Not sure if what I did was overkill, but tried to find the highlights (literally) and format those.

I also redid the "order" page but not sure if I need to add more copy to it or just leave it as it is. The payment page is where the buyer is taken auto from the order page. (order page send the form to us and payment page implements the PayPal payments)

AMAZING the transformation with your feedback!

Thanks so much,
Ilene
www.popgoesthebeatles.com

Hi:

I think that the new look is working well.

Do you know why formatting and bullets work so well??

The visual difference makes them stand out - you can't help but notice it!

Also, think of all those years in school reading textbooks, computer manuals, news briefs, work related manuals and reports - we have been trained for years to pay attention to bullets and special formatting!

I still want you to break up your longer paragraphs, that includes your testimonials.

I would like to see you use a special heading for each episode to make them stand out but be obviously related.

I think it is best to keep your order page brief - they have already made the decision, now make it as easy and seamless as possible. I would even reduce your image size to push the order form higher up on the page.

Create a draft and see what you think.

I also like your 'title' under you sign off.

Cheers,

Andrew

Hey Andrew

Been working at re-dong the entire site. While I'm no maven at CCS, I'm completely validated so far (and almost done with all pages!!) Never thought I'd be so excited about "being validated", but we'll leave that for another session.

QUICK QUESTION - did I read somewhere that it's NOT a good idea to put your price on the landing page? Is it better to intice them to at least go to the order page. Or do you give it to 'em up front BEFORE the order page???

Should have updated pages completed soon, and will let you know for feedback (of course)

Thanks,
Ilene

Hi:

Re: QUICK QUESTION - did I read somewhere that it's NOT a good idea to put your price on the landing page? Is it better to intice them to at least go to the order page. Or do you give it to 'em up front BEFORE the order page???


What we suggest is that you don't introduce the price until you have established the value of your offer. So, yes, do put the price on the landing page, but it goes towards the end of you copy.

See below.

Cheers,

Andrew

-=-==-

headline

sub-headline

Personal greeting

Establish the problem that you're going to solve for your reader.

Establish your credibility.

Relate to the problem and relate to your reader (I'm just like you).

Explain how your product or service solves this problem and provide an overview of how it works.

Detail the benefits and features of your product or service using bullet points for emphasis

State the price of your offer and explain why you've chosen that price point, and why it's fair.

Pile on the bonuses and create tons of added value so your visitors would feel silly if they DIDN'T take you up on your offer!

Include your strong guarantee and remove the risk entirely so customers can purchase without feeling nervous.

Ask for the order! Clearly and specifically guide your reader to make the purchase.

Sign off

P.S. Include a strong "P.S." to restate the benefits of your offer and create even more urgency.

Hey Andrew,

While I'm so proud of myself for accomplishments thus far (redoing the complete site for validation purposes) learning new program and CSS, I know there is still so much work to do.

I'm sure everyone goes through this while designing...questioning their creativity; is the color scheme "colorful" enough, is this text to large, did I say it correctly, should I add more images, is the salescopy at it's optimum, etc., etc., etc.,

I still have to do all my meta tags but I wanted you to see the new/improved pages for your feedback as to design and content while I'm in full gear here - am I getting across what I need to? I followed the 60-second salescopy suggestions, but reading it over and over and over, I'm wondering if it's correct or at least meets up to YOUR standards as i hold them in such high regard...

You've been so patient walking me through this and for that I am so grateful. Couldn't have done it without you!

Thanks,
Ilene
Pop Go The Beatles

Hi:

You are well underway I am impressed with how fast and far your site has come along.

Here are my gentle suggestions:

You still love long paragraphs - you don't have to get rid of information, but try to keep them under 4 lins long.

When you have a chance to use bullets, do so, e.g.:

Episode #13
Beatles Books

Compare this:

In this episode we interview 3 authors of Beatles books, Bruce Spizer ("The Beatles Records on Vee Jay", "The Beatles Records on Capital Records Part 1 & 2"), Ken Geringer, the Author of "Nobody Told Me", and Paul Saltzman, the author of "The Beatles in Rishekesh". We've got Andrew Croft the publisher of Beatlology Magazine. Plus a segment on the books Woody uses to research and write the show and a segment on the Beatles Books we hate.

To this:

In this episode we interview 4 Expert Beatles Authors and Publishers:

Bruce Spizer, well known Beatles historian and researcher, author of numerous books and fan including:

- The Beatles Records on Vee Jay

- The Beatles Records on Capital Records Part 1 & 2

Ken Geringer, a music industry insider and great story teller:

- Nobody Told Me

Paul Saltzman, 2 time Emmy Award winning producer and director and President of Sunrise Films Limited, who captured and published a highly rated book of historical Beatles photographs:

- The Beatles in Rishekesh

Andrew Croft, publisher of the critically respected and fan loved Beatlology Magazine.

Plus get a sneak peek inside the show and get a look at the books that Woody personally uses to research and write the program.

And the must-not miss Special Segment: the Beatles Books we hate.

UUuumm, OK, ok, I was only going to put it into bullet points, but I got carried away!

Everything else is looking very good.

Cheers,

Andrew

Hey Ilene --

I popped into your new salesletter... Wow, you've really brought this a long way!!! Nicely done!

I noticed, though, that there's a large block of white space (the depth of your opt-in offer box) at the top of the page under the headline. Can you get rid of this?

Also, I noticed that you've put your entire headline in "caps" -- this is a salescopy no-no. Text in all-caps is actually difficult to read... so people won't read it.

Finally, I see that you're not actually revealing price in the letter... instead, you've bolded the value of $350, which ends up looking like the actual price, which you don't reveal until the order form. It's important that you reveal the *actual* price in the salesletter, and unbold the "value" $$$ figure so it doesn't look like th price. Right now, it looks like this product costs $350.

Hope this helps!

Jennifer

Hey Jen and Andrew,

Thanks so much for the feedback - positive as well as suggestions - much appreciated.

Jen,
I fixed the all caps (great point) and also changed the price wording. I see what you mean. Changed the wording to:

For a limited time we are offering the Complete Set
(valued at over $350) for the low price of only $177!

I can't find (or maybe I'm not understanding) the white space under the header. I'm using IE and Firefox to test. What browser are you using? Would like to fix that if I can see it.

Andrew,
Guess I do love the long paragraphs...but LOVE your revision and will implement as such. You're so right, so much easier to read than on and on sentences. (Here's where I wish there were only 4 episodes, but rolling up the sleeves and diving back in for a few more laps.)

Would you suggest splitting it up to Vol I and all the highlights and Vol II with it's highlights, or keeping it as it with all the episodes listed out clearly?

Thanks for the suggestions - will make the changes and repost.

Any other suggestions while I'm at it????

Thanks,
Ilene

Hey All,

Been going over and over this problem and can't find the solution (I'm certain it's so simple)
My landing page popgothebeatles.com is coming up funky in IE6, (and IE6 only) but the Order Page is showing fine.

I've gone over both page's source codes (shared CSS) and can't find a reason why the page starts so far down on the page.

Anyone's suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated! Moving on to the next task on the list now..

Thanks,
Ilene

Hi:

Usually when that happens the "Bad box" has some content that is too wide – either a table set to a fixed width; an image; or sometimes a URL (since they don't have spaces and therefore don't like to break properly)

Let me know if this helps.

Cheers,

Andrew Mallory

Andrew!!!

You are the BEST!!!! It was an image in the "testimonials" table that was too wide. I will make sure to remember that just in case the problem should arise again. I had the feeling it was simple, thanks for the tip.

We are working on re-wording the episode descriptions per your suggestion, so I hope to have that changed soon.

Working with Adwords gurus to optimize my keywords. So far, I'm getting some traffic (not a lot as yet) and opt-ins but no sales. Matter of fact, my conversion rate to the "order" page is very low.

Any suggestions? Lower the price perhaps? Not show the price till the order page? Sales copy compelling enough?

Might try Google's Optimizer again, but last time it scewed the site incredibly, so I'm a bit gun shy to go that route again.

Thanks SO much,
Ilene

Hi All,

Well, we gave everything a rest for almost 2 weeks to see what results will be revealed. Obviously, constant changing can't tell us what's working and what's not.

Still NO sales which is discouraging but makes us think about what needs change or tweaking. We're still working on our email marketing and plan on getting that going in the next day or so.

I set up conversion tracking just for page 2 (the order page)...depending on the ad variation it's averaging 4.9%. I'm getting a FEW opt-ins but not much.

So, here's the 2 things that are of concern:

1. Is the salescopy the best it can be? Do you see any room for improvement? (The episode re-writes are almost complete. Didn't want to do some and not others. It's a bit tedious for those doing the re-write). I've gone over it so many times, it's a blurrrrrrrr.

2. Is the price too high??? I keep seeing $97 everywhere. Is this the the golden number that works best? We don't mind lowering the price to get sales going, then add more after sale offers in the future. We're also hoping on the word of mouth, forward to a friend theory that once people hear the value, they'll pass it along to others.

Thanks,
Ilene

Hey Ilene --

I'm happy to work with you on improving your conversion rate. Yes, I think there are improvements we can make to the salescopy that will help.

Let's start with...

#1... This is a Beatles fan site -- but I notice there are no pictures of the Beatles featured here. Obviously, you can't just swipe pictures of them off other fan sites etc. But I would figure out a way to get a picture of them that can be featured in your first fold.

Another option might be to have a web designer create a header for this website using a sillouette of them.

But, I'd try and get a decent picture of them first, to feature in the first screen.

#2... Your headline is okay. Your sub-headline, I'm not a big fan of -- only because it's not scanning very well. What does that mean? Well, the way it's formatted... the word choice... no words jump out at me, so it's laborious to read. (Example... in the first line, you use 3 words that start with "un".)

I also would like to see you incorporate the call to action "Listen" in the headline in place of the more passive "You've Found It."

So the headline might be something like:





... I wrote this quickly, but you get the idea.

#3... I think you need to rewrite the intro to this letter. I think you move too quickly into the "guts" of what the product is and your credibility, without first identifying with the Beatle's fan -- and building some excitement.

Here's a rough idea of what I'm talking about...

-----------------

Dear Friend --

Do you have a passion for The Beatles? (say something that proves your knowledge of them.)

Me too... (explain why)

If you're like me, you've probably searched high and low for XXXXX. Or done XXXX.

But this information is hard to find right?

I should know...

Years ago I decided to put together a radio show...

---------------

.......... Do you see the difference? This is super rough because I know nothing about the Beatles. But you want to write the intro as a personal letter to another Beatles fan. Speak to their personal interest in collecting everything "Beatles".

Then, tease them by suggesting that you're going to give them access to 21 previously banned radio shows, but they'll need to keep reading to find out how.

Let's focus on these updates first. Then, once you've got the headline/intro sorted out, we'll move on to the guts of the letter!

Cheers,

Jennifer

Hey Jennifer,

AMAZING!!! For someone who says they know nothing about the Beatles....guess it doesn't matter. Sales copy writing is something you DO know about. Doubt we could have said some of it better, so we didn't.

Redid the header, headline, sub-headline and intro. Trying to decide the best places to insert some "teases".

Appreciate your feedback and next step.

Ilene
Pop Go The Beatles

Hi Ilene --

I'm glad you liked the headline...

... I was also happy to see that you've incorporated some pictures of the Beatles into your header! Much better!!! And, you've done a GREAT GREAT job of the intro rewrite.

Wahoo, a great start here...!

Now, let's continue the rewrite. You've got some fabulous momentum going now in your intro. But then you move into a rather dry, boring story about how you put together the program.

And, the formatting makes it doubly hard to read. Lots of long paragraphs make it look like a legal document; boring!!!

You've formatted your first few paragraphs correctly in the intro rewrite. Let's continue this!

The last line I'd KEEP before we start rewriting again is: But this stuff is not so easy to find.

----------------------

... So I set out to put together the ULTIMATE Beatles Radio Show.

SUB-HEADLINE here

I used my industry connections XXXX ... and I did 1,000s of hours of research, collecting every XXX XXX and XXX I could find to put together a radio show that would keep even the BIGGEST Beatles junkie hooked on every word and note.

It included....

* BULLET
* BULLET
* BULLET
* BULLET
* BULLET
* BULLET

... Everything a Beatles fan could want.

SUB-HEAD -- But then it was BANNED in the US!!!!

The program ran for XXXX on XXX stations. But then it was banned on US stations for XXXX reasons and couldn't be found or heard anywhere...

... Until now!

SUB-HEAD -- For the first time ever, you can hear all 21 radio shows!

----------------------

So this should give you some structure for the next section!

Your goal is to keep the momentum of the story going. Your current story focuses on YOU -- this version is painting a picture of what the READER will get. Big difference.

Also, quick final note... Try to format the headline more closely to my original formatting below, minus the quirky line break on the last part. It will scan better for you.

Looking forward to seeing the next revision!

Jennifer

Hey Jennifer,

I'm amazed at how much easier it is to read with your suggestions! Seems like it flows soooo much better.

We are still working on the actual show descriptions to make those more reader-friendly, and should have them up asap.

I put a call to action just below the line:
For the first time ever, you can hear ALL 21 radio shows!

Seemed appropriate if they're interested at the time, agree?

Anxious for your feedback thus far and our next task!

Thanks,
Ilene

Hey Ilene,

Whoohoo... now we're getting somewhere!!! This is looking so much better, and it's so much easier to read.

Let's keep truckin' along here:

#1... You've got a paragraph that says:



... You just need to expand your credibility a TINY bit more and, before this paragraph, quickly explain who you are (My name is...) and how/why you had these connections (... and I worked in... for XXX years... doing XXX).

#2... Under the sub-head "For the first time ever, you can hear ALL 21 radio shows!" ... You've put a "buy now" link. Ahem. Kinda jumping the gun here, don't you think Louise? ;-) I think we need to give the readers a bit more idea of what the value is before we start asking for their money. Remove the link, okay?

#3... Now, you can also delete the section (sub-head & body text) that starts with the sub-head "These shows are trulyOne-Of-A-Kind and Second-To-NONE! Here's Three good reasons to believe what I say..." You've already established your credibility above, so you don't need this section here.

#4... Next, take the section that starts with the sub-head "Just look at these benefits for you to enjoy." and move it BELOW your episode descriptions.

Now, what you should have is the sub-head "For the first time ever, you can hear ALL 21 radio shows!" ... With a description of all the shows below it.

BETWEEN this sub-head and the episode descriptions you need to put together 3-4 paragraphs that explain how you've put together a package of CDs that include all these episodes.

"I know how valuable these radio episodes are to every Beatles fan... So I've collect together all 21 episodes, which include 40 hours of programming, and put them together in this package.... blah blah blah

For example, you'll hear episodes like...

Then, go on to reveal just 7 of the best episodes.

------------------------------

I'm going to end the feedback here.

I think this is enough for the "next step".

Come back, and we'll play again! Looking forward to seeing your progress!

Jennifer

Hey Jennifer!!!

Hope you had a great weekend!

Re: #2... Under the sub-head "For the first time ever, you can hear ALL 21 radio shows!" ... You've put a "buy now" link. Ahem. Kinda jumping the gun here, don't you think Louise? ;-) I think we need to give the readers a bit more idea of what the value is before we start asking for their money. Remove the link, okay?

Ok, ok, so I jumped the gun a bit....can't blame a gal for trying, right?...

Changes made as suggested. Hoping that I'm using color/highlighting correctly here. Don't want it to look too much like a circus, but totally understand it's benefits. Somehow I know you'll let me know if it's out of hand.

I probably need to tweak the wording of the episode descriptions. Seems like it needs more "buzz" words, but creativity fizzled by weekend's end. As I re-read, hopefully it'll come to me...but for now...

I'm ready for your critique this far and ready for more needed changes!

You've been sooooooo tremendous here, and it's much appreciated! We LOVE how the site is shaping up.

Let's keep on truckin'

Thanks,
Ilene

`Morning Ilene --

Awesome, this is looking so good now...

... You've done a great job right through to the episodes. I agree with your comment below -- if you can jazz up the descriptions a bit more that'll be great. But they're not bad right now either.

My only real beef is with the title of episode #11 -- it didn't make sense, even after I read the description below it. So maybe tweak that one.

Now, onwards:

#1... While I'm thinking of it, I'm going to get you to drop the sub-headline down a font size -- "PLUS, Hear More Than 40 Hours Of Rare Uncut Music Tracks And Exclusive Behind-The-Scenes Interviews!" It'll look and read better.

#2... At the end of the episode descriptions, you need to conclude this section with something like:

---------

... Plus XX more episodes, all recorded in XXX (quality references) onto XXX CDs (quantity references), which include album notes etc. etc.

-------

#3... Okay, now we need to replace the section titled "Just look at these benefits for you to enjoy." with something like:

"Why You Can LEGALLY Own All 21 Episodes -- Even Though They Were BANNED In the USA!"

... You want to really play up the fact that these shows were banned, and can't be heard anywhere else, but then explain how you can make these legally available to Beatles Fans to own.

In this section, you also need to do a value build to help prepare the reader for a price, and then reveal the price. Obviously these CDs are priceless, and you'll want to emphasize that. But what did it cost you to compile all this? And if possible, explain what it would cost the average Beatle fan to compile even a small fraction of this.

Then, go on to explain the full package details -- what does it include exactly.

Show a picture of the package.

Then, go on to explain why you're giving away the entire collect at this price.

#4... You need to get a new product picture. Collectors are going to want to feel like they're getting something that LOOKS nice too. Even just do a nicer, clean spread of the CDs. Do they come with nice cases or anything? These should be included in the picture too. How about any bonus reports, etc? Include these, too, to help increase perceived value.

#5... For the testimonial section, I'd like to see you put a REAL sub-head on this section (with formatting to match the other sub-heads). And title it something like "Hear What Other Beatle's Fans Are Already Saying About This Priceless Collection".

Then, you need to format your testimonials a bit nicer. Remove the bullets. Put mini-headlines on your testimonials. Bold the names of the customers. To see an example of good testimonial formatting, check out www.marketingtips.com/testimonials ... Mimic this!

..... Okay, let's end this here!

We're almost done!!! Let me know when you've completed this next round of revisions.

Cheers,

Jennifer

Hiya Jen,

Wow, ask and ye shall receive!!! I've got some real work cut out for me, but I can handle it...at least so far I have. Now I really need to squeeze out those creative juices, but I'm sure I'll get it done. I'm amazed at what I've accomplished thus far with your nudges, help, suggestions, etc.

BTW, Episode #11 was "ten hours to #1" - the Beatles recorded 10 songs in 10 hours to complet their first (hence the #1) album. But if it's confusing, then changed it shall be. I made it "ten songs in ten hours"...the rest of the story is explained in the episode.

I changed out the product picture. Currently, the cd's come in sleeves in a notebook with the show logo on the cover. This may change in the future, but for now, it is what it is. (Please take a look at it, and throw out any ideas you may have with a better presentation)

Will get to work on the rest and holler (you can be sure) if I run into a creative vapor lock for suggestions.

Thanks,
Ilene

Hi there Jen!

Ok, let's see...going over the "round #2 laundry list":

Took the 1st sub-headline down a notch. Looks better.

Completed #2, #3, but would like your feedback with wording. Hoping we said it all to get the right message accross. Pricing in the right place, value stated as needed, etc? Not sure about the way it's all formatted, but then again I always question something that I look at over and over and over. Your "fresh" opinion is always welcome, but by now I think you know that! As you can tell, this one was a toughy on me. (pant, pant)

#4 and #5- completed as well. LOVE the transformation of the testimonials. What a huge difference that makes. Still want a better product pic, but we'll work on that soon.

We did get our first sale last night (woohoo) since we began our transformation and certain it's the start of something BIG, once all is completed.

Ready for my next "round"!

Thanks,
Ilene

Hey Ilene --

Whoohoo, your first sale!!!!

I've just done a little "money dance" on your behalf. That's awesome.

Well, I think we need to hurry up and finish the rest of these changes, hey??? :-)

Onwards and upwards:

#1... After the episodes, you've got a paragraph that says:



... Left justify it (centered text is hard to read), and make it black instead of blue. So MUCH blue is mighty hard to read.

#2... Okay, let's talk about the section titled "Why You Can LEGALLY Own All 21 Episodes -- Even Though They Were BANNED In the USA!"

- Take the first paragraph, and use this idea about the CDs being perfectly legal to own to END this section.
- Take the value build text OUT of the yellow box and put it directly below the sub-head.
- Rewrite the intro to the section as necessary to make this text work.
- Only bold the bullets. Too much bolded text is hard to read, too.

(And hey... good job of this value build!!! $25,000 worth of material for $147. Helluva bargain!)

#3... Good job of the testimonials. They sure look better. My only suggestion is that you add a bit of bolding throughout the testimonials. Key phrases only.

#4... In the section titled: In summary, here's what you get:

Over 40 hours of non-stop Beatles History.
That's 21 full 2-hour shows with
No commercials, no interrutpions!

... You need to do a better job of describing what the package includes. Really describe everything. 21 CDs. Professional recording. Packaged in 21 Glossy CD Jackets (???)... A full color, 48-page booklet that includes ?????

Explain everything!!!!!

#5... Your sub-head & intro for the bonus section is a bit weak. Ideally, you want to give a better reason than "because it's in your best interest" to get people to act today. Let's try and add some urgency with these bonuses.

A good angle is to say that you're giving a limited # of people this special bonus package in exchange for the promise that, once they've listened to the CDs, they give you testimonial. But once you've got enough testimonials, you're discontinuing this offer. So the time limit is vague... the client doesn't actually HAVE to give you a testimonial... and it adds urgency, encouraging the visitor to buy today.

("I can't promise you this offer will be here next week... or even tomorrow... so if you want to claim this special bonus package, I encourage you to act today.)

#6... You need to retitle the bonuses:

Bonus #1 -- "A Bootleg Copy of ...."
(A $49 Value, Yours FREE!)

Then, include a 1-2 paragraph description.

....... do this for each of the bonuses.

#7.... The guarantee is fine. Just left justify the text. Centered text is hard to read.

#8.... Home stretch.

Okay, you need to replace ALL the text after the guarantee, before the "buy now" button.

You need a sub-head here like... "Claim Your Beatles CD Package In The Next 5 Minutes!"

Then you need to restate the value of the entire package. And also restate the bonus offer. Restate the urgency. Don't bold the text. Use regular font size etc. THEN, ask for the order! :-)

#9... In the PS, don't bold all the text, and make sure you include another link to the order form.

WHEW!!!!!

Guess what??? That's it... I'll take a peek at your final revision. And then we'll both enjoy a celebratory NAP!!!! :-)

Very excited...

Jennifer

Real Quick Jen,

I'm confused with:

#2... Okay, let's talk about the section titled "Why You Can LEGALLY Own All 21 Episodes -- Even Though They Were BANNED In the USA!"

- Take the first paragraph, and use this idea about the CDs being perfectly legal to own to END this section
- Take the value build text OUT of the yellow box and put it directly below the sub-head.
- Rewrite the intro to the section as necessary to make this text work.
- Only bold the bullets. Too much bolded text is hard to read, too.

Which first paragraph? the "These shows ran for 25 weeks in 2003 without any "legal peeps" from Apple Corporation. Since they were already aired, they ARE legal to own for personal use. It's that simple!"
Move it to which end? It's the explaination of the "why it's legal" heading....move 'em both??? Where?

Value build text below which sub-head?

Isn't the "intro" the sub-head?

AAARRGGGG - I can hear the bottle of chardonay calling me! (Or perhaps it's the other voices)

I think I understand everything else - or i'm going into selective comprehensive meltdown.

Ilene

Ha. Sorry.

I'll just copy & paste so you can see the order:

-------------

Why You Can LEGALLY Own All 21 Episodes -- Even Though They Were BANNED In the USA!

Obviously, these CD's are priceless. (They certainly are to me) Let me explain what went into this amazing collection:

Just to air all the shows on the radio cost over $12,000

All the research material, books, articles, etc. cost more than $1,000

Interviews, press conferences and all previously unheard music was over $5,000

Remember, there are NO album tracks in over 40 hours of show time.

If you add in the incredible amount of time (we're talking YEARS) involved to accumulate all this material, produce, host and put the shows together, this package of memorabilia cost me well over $25,000. Again, it's value is PRICELESS!

But I'm offering you the opprotunity to own this amazing set for only $149! Why? Because a true Beatles Fan knows its value from the first moment you hear it.

These shows ran for 25 weeks in 2003 without any "legal peeps" from Apple Corporation. Since they were already aired, they ARE legal to own for personal use. It's that simple!

--------------

So you just need to tweak/revise a little to smooth it all out and write a proper intro to this section.

Go and have the wine anyway. ;-)

Jennifer

WOW, makes perfect sense now...

I poured one for you too. You earned it.

Thanks,
Ilene

Hey there Jennifer!

I actually made it through all revisions with wits in tact. (At least I think I did).

Did I miss anything? There's probably a few that need rewording/elaboration - let me know what you think! I'm ready to tweak more...

Do you think $25k is a bit steep...it's not really inflated with ALL that went into it, but want to keep it credible also.

Once this page is completed, I'll work on the order page a bit, to spruce it up and match the landing page.

We were also thinking of having the opt-in take them directly to the "download" page where they can hear some excerpts. (Instead of a boring thank you page) That way they don't wait to hear the clips from an email...might work in our benefit?

Also was thinking of adding a link to a separate page with ALL the show descriptions. Good idea or just leave it as is.

Partner is also thinking of offering a "teaser" set with 5 shows for $49 - no bonus gifts. I'm on the fence with this one...hate to take away from the big picture but maybe will work? What's your thoughts?

Oy, so many questions I have.....Now, where is that bottle of chardonay????

Ilene

Hi Ilene...

I'm going to answer this in 2 posts. First, I'll answer your questions, and then I'll review the new copy. See my replies below:

Hi Ilene --

So this is Post #2 in response to your revisions. Don't forget to read the post below, too, where I've answered your questions.

In this post, I'm going to give you feedback on your final (whoo hoo!!!) revision:

#1... The paragraph:



... There was a slight miscommunication before. I'm going to get you to reformat again, so it looks something like this:

All this PLUS 14 more Beatles-packed episodes - all recorded in my private studio - onto 28 high quality CD's.

That's over 40 full hours of commercial-free music, interviews, narratives and information NEVER heard before. This stuff is priceless!! But it wasn't fair to keep it all to myself!!

#2... Another miscommunication: After the episode descriptions, I want you to add the following text back in as a sub-head: "Why You Can LEGALLY Own All 21 Episodes -- Even Though They Were BANNED In the USA!"

Then, switch the following paragraph to regular body text formatting:



#3... As part of your value build, you need to reveal price. So after the sentence: "But I'm offering you the opportunity to own this amazing set for much less than that!" .... you need to say ... just $XXX.XX!!! A small fraction of what it cost me to produce the show!"

#4... Minor point -- you'll want to spell check this puppy. I've noticed a few typos.

#5... Make the following text look more like a sub-head (bigger!) -- But wait! That's not all. We decided to sweeten the pot a bit...

#6... Re: the copy you use to introduce the bonuses. You start with "I'm giving away a limited # of free bonus gifts." .... You need to rework this section, so you end with this rather than START with it, otherwise it's anti-climatic.

#7.... I'd like to see you clean up your bonus formatting a bit. Look at how we've formatted the bonuses in this letter http://www.marketingtips.com/desktop -- take special note of the headers.

#8.... Reformat the following text so it looks more like a sub-head: Claim your Pop Go The Beatles CD package in the next 5 mintues!

#9.... For your final section pre- the buy now links ....... First, remove the titles of all the bonuses... You just want to say "you also get 3 fabulous bonuses valued at $XXX but yours free, including <brief description of one>. You also want to restate the actual value of the package ($25,000) -- don't just say it's worth $1,000s. And restate the price with this.

....... Okay, awesome job of this!!!!!!! :-)

I'm so excited to see you finish and test this! It looks great!

Jennifer

Hi Jennifer,

WHEW!!! As we round the bend here...

I've made all revisions as per last post. I am AMAZED at the difference of the look, ease of flow, etc. No way I could have done it without you, so for that I'm so grateful (ok, no kids in return...you have your hands full enough!)

I changed around the "order" page a little, but a bit unclear as to how much to put there. We have the show closer on this page...thought it added a nice touch. And I restated the price and bonus as well as values of both. Let me know your thoughts.

From here I'll work on opt-in emails. Like the idea of more download excerpts with the emails. Like the idea of the $2.95 trial with auto bill after 30 days, but what if they cancel before the auto bill? They now have all the discs (IF they don't return them)...where do I stand with this? I guess I'd have to state "if not returned, buyer agrees to the original cost of $149"? Hate to be a pessimist, just thinking...

Also working on my google adwords campaign...it's been totally redone and I'm getting 20-30 new visits a day. Can still implement variations, etc. Have to set up conversion coding on the specific pages, but only the 1 sale to date. A few opt-ins but not a whole lot.

SOOOO much to still do, but loving it!

Thanks,
Ilene

Hi Jennifer,

Just to let you know...

I made the rest of the changes earlier today and uploaded them, sent you a quick note (read next post please), then off to celebrate Father's Day with the family...

Came home 4 hours later and 4 new orders WOOOOHOOOO!!!! We are so excited we can hardly contain ourselves, (so we won't).

Thank you thank you thank you!!! And to think I'm not even close to done with all the tweaking that needs to be done.

You guys ROCK!!!! This was the best business decision I've made in....let's just say... in a very long time!

And on we go!

Thanks,
Ilene

Wahoo!!!!!

4 orders in 4 hours!!!!! <Insert money dance here> I'm so happy for you guys. Success well deserved. You've worked hard on these revisions, and you've been very patient!

Now, to answer your questions:

#1 -- Re: the copy on the order page. You're on the right track here, but you need to condense it (vertically) and left-justify it all to make it easier to read. I would recommend checking out some copy on one of IMC's order forms to get some ideas. You need this to look less like the salescopy and more like an actual order page.

So maybe say something like:

YES! I'd like to claim my copy of "Pop Goes The Beatles", which includes 21 CDs with over 40 hours of XXXXX, plus # Super Bonuses, valued at $XXX, all for the one-time low investment of just $149. And I know there's ZERO RISK because if I'm not 100% satisfied, I can return it anytime within the next XX days for a complete refund.

#2... Re: the $2.95 trial auto-bill. If they cancel before the auto-bill, they have to return the product to you at their expense. Oh, yes -- they would pay $2.95 plus shipping up front. But deal with shipping charges on the order form only. You don't want to foot the bill for shipping.

It's also a good idea to give people an extra 90 days AFTER the autobill to enjoy the product, at which point they can refund the $147 if they don't like it. This just ensures they're not panicky about refunding, and you'll actually see fewer returns.

........... Thrilled to see your progress!!!

Keep us updated on your testing! :-)

Jennifer

Mornin' Jennifer,

Order page looks much better now with your suggestions. I left the opt-in on this page as I've had some subscribe from this page as well. Why would they actually go to the order page and not order but chose to subscribe??? Hoping the new formatting will change that.

From here, I'll work a bit more on the episode descriptions to spruce them up a bit, and take a closer look at the highlighted/bolded text to make sure that's optimal to what I want to emphasize.

Like the idea of the trial time with auto bill after 30 days, will work on that as I do more with the email campaigns.

I have 6 different Adwords campaigns that I would think need some time to see how to tweak that. So far I haven't devoted too much time to that, but will now that the website is close to where I want it.

I'm going to also implement the "variations" tool they have to try out different things as well.

Any other things you feel I should look into???

I'll keep you posted with progress/problems (hopefully less of the latter) but awesome to know you guys are there to help solve these "speed bumps".

Thanks so much,
Ilene

Hey Ilene --

Yes, definitely keep us posted on your progress!

My only comment re: your order page is that the header for the audio looks like the header for the entire page (Actual Show Closer) -- and this will confuse somebody who "clicked" expecting an order page.

Cheers!!!

Jennifer

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